I wanted a good camera to document the new travels I wanted to accomplish. I wanted to take two major trips a year and up to six small short weekend trips. So far, I’ve taken zero trips. Technically, driving up at Blood Mountain was kind of a photography trip, although I screwed up most of those pictures. I’d really been fighting vacations for years and since venturing out on my own I’ve really only ever taken two total. That’s pretty sad since I haven’t lived at home since I was 23 and I’m now 29. I tried to correct that path, but I’ve failed miserably.

I’d hope photography would help me realign myself and find some sort of peace with everything that happened. I grabbed my antidepressants, my camera, and stared at online photos. My anxiety had essentially rendered me helpless on achieving my goals. The drugs for my General Anxiety Disorder didn’t seem to do much besides making me care less about the world. I even tried pot, and that still didn’t make me feel like accomplishing anything, although I’m sure that just made me more lazy and fatter.

So now I sit staring at the latest 7 days of interesting photos on Flickr and I want to drop kick my nice and expensive Nikon D300 off the top of a very tall building. Just looking at those amazing shots makes me wish I had never bought a camera in the first place, at least not one so expensive. And I know damn well that you can’t take a good photo without taking a ton of bad ones. That’s my problem, the GAD keeps me from going out. I’ve tried going out and I make excuses and stay at home and blame laziness. I mean, that’s part of it, but it’s a lot of my GAD. I’d lived with it for so long that I just assumed it was laziness, but it’s kept me down and away from many things I’ve wanted to try.

So, three years later, I’m still searching for my inspiration, my muse or even a kick in the ass to get me going and doing more. Alone I wish to remain in my cocoon where I have a false sense of safety instead of enjoying what little time I have on this hurtling rock.

No one can be completely open minded, we can all be open minded to an extent, and that is to the point where people’s views and opinions butt at our emotional walls. Now, I’m always open to hearing people’s views on certain issues, but like most people I have an opinion, and I’ll stand my ground with whatever facts I’ve dug up, but some people base their opinions on faith or emotions. Both of which are immeasurable.

It’s difficult to interact with someone who wishes to be open-minded, but for all general purposed is closed-minded. I’m not one to go about belittling people unless provoked. I’ll usually tell people that I have my beliefs and they have theirs and we will have to mutually agree to disagree otherwise there will be a heated exchange that no one will win. Because when we get down to our opinions, we never want to be wrong, even if we know, deep down, we just might be.

I no longer follow Questlove on Twitter, I won’t even bother linking or looking up anything about him because it’s not worth it. Why? Because he is so quick to play the race card.

First time was the meal at NBC picked out by a BLACK WOMAN who was allowed to pick a meal for the day and had been planning on it for months. It was also during February, so it had to be racist with chicken and greens and shit. He started a stink about it on Twitter, only to recant later on because he’s a fucking idiot.

Yesterday he talked about racism again, this time tied to a FAKE account of John Boehner talking about gang banging and listening to rap music, so it had to be racist and had to be about blacks, right?

He’s constantly looking for a racist thing in life to go after it. This is why racism will always live in America, because some people are ALWAYS on the look out for it. Yes, racism still exists in the world, but actively looking and pointing out the little things constantly, does nothing to help the cause.

People today are far too sensitive to certain sayings and situations and are quick to play the card, when they should just let it go. There will always be people who are racist to an extent, even some extreme, but you can’t let it beat you up.

Also, racism exists in every race. There isn’t just white on black or white on mexican. It’s all over and until we all put our differences behind us, we’ll never escape our ugly past.

http://omggirlpunch.ytmnd.com/

The thing is this, it’s great when it’s just in my mind and in my dreams, but the second I put it on paper, it became a 20 car pileup disaster where nothing could save it from a fiery wreck that takes at least 5 lives. I mean, it’s a good plan, but it’d be a great plan if it were anyone but me.

So usually this is how I work past 11pm at night. All ideas are good ideas until the morning, when they’re just dreams.

I got up to take the dog out and put on my jacket and shoes, opened the door and I heard almost nothing. Now, you would imagine to hear nothing at 130 in the morning as well, but this was a different kind of quiet. I had taken my dog out late at night many times, but I had never heard almost nothing. As I walked down the stairs, freezing to the core, I noticed something on all the cars, yes, snow. It was snowing for the 3rd time this year. This time wasn’t as good as the previous two times, because that snow actually stuck to the grass. I had left the house yesterday morning, ready for a little bit of cold, but it wasn’t even cold enough for my jacket at noon. By the time I arrived back in home, it was so windy and cold I couldn’t believe it. And everything is topped off with a little bit of snow. I wished for it to snow last year in December, and this year, I got that wish.

All my life I’ve lived it in such a way where I was always nice to everybody, women especially, since I thought that was what people want. I’ve obviously been fooled into thinking this through the media (I will blame the media for everything from now on) and it’s simply not true. So many times in my life, I’ve questioned why a girl reacts a certain way, I mean, I’ve always known about them liking jerks, but when I figured one would be different, I was wrong.

There was a post on a forum I visit entitled, “The Theory of Jerkocracy,” which is just something someone thought of to explain all of this crap we nice guys go through. So, after the break, is the theory, with my commentary.

The Theory (Not authors idea, just someone else s, but I don’t disagree)

We all know that the majority of women date jerks. Hell, it might not even be a majority, but it’s sure as hell half. Not necessarily half of all women, as I’m sure some have married the person they’ve been most compatible with, but we’ll assume half of the women that are currently dating, are dating jerks. [Or are actively pursuing them] Most of us single men, wonder why. As well, most of us single men are friends to women, though we’d like to be closer. [Story of my life] And what we’ve learned is that women say they want a nice, sensitive man, or something along those lines. [Liars.] You know the type of guy I’m talking about, because if you’re a single guy with a girl–friend, you know what I mean. This girl–friend has told you this many times. [Fuck that bullshit.]

So why don’t they date nice, sensitive men? They’re lazy. Just like you and me, girls are lazy. It’s just become widely accepted that women can be such, that they’ve given it a different name, and moved it around different places among the list of characteristics given to women and called it something else “Passive.” The guy makes the first move, the guy sets up the date, the guy does everything. And why the hell not? The women get a free ride. [Dammit, I want a woman to do some shit for once, I'm sick of doing the work.] They [accept] what the guy gives them, and they’re in paradise. If the men don’t please the women in such a way, they make the guy pay, or the relationship is over. [Bitches.]

So we have these [two] sides, the guy and the girl. The girl wants a nice/sensitive man, but she’s lazy. The jerk who gets into a relationship is not lazy, but he’s usually (we’re talking stereotypes here. I’m aware of the fact that not every guy/girl is like this, so we’re referring to the majority, and taking the minority out back and having it shot) in it for one thing: sex. Or the events that lead to sex (physical affection). He nods, listens, pretends he’s listening, with the sole intention of receiving physical compensation later on. (From here on we’ll just refer to physical affection as sex, giving kissing, hugging, holding hands a nice general term.) [I'll have to inject my own thoughts here. He does leave out the most important piece of information, women also want to change jerks, it's a well known fact, even if women will disagree to it. I know so many women that are with or want a jerk, and openly know the guy is a jerk and still wants them, because they think they can change him. I've learned you can't change who a person is, so it's time to move on, which is what this whole post is truly about.]

So what most motivates these men? Sex. Or the possibility of sex. What can make a man act out of character, or be the most straightforward? Sex. It’s the Jerk that acts like this. It’s the Jerk that only wants sex. [But I offer so much more, being the nice guy, dammit.] The women sees this jerk as the only forthcoming guy out there that wants a relationship, but he’s only in it for sex (or possibly money). So the girl is lazy, and takes the guy that comes her way, who makes up for her laziness by being forthcoming. The result is that her laziness costs her, and she spends her time with someone her doesn’t “treat her right.” [Boo-fucking-hoo.]

See, the sexes have it all reversed. The girl wants a sensitive man, but is lazy, so she gets a jerk. The GUY wants a girl he’s compatible with, but is shy, so he gets nothing. The jerk is just something that falsely fills the void for women. [Yeah, I'm shy, but women are retarded.]

In the relationships I’ve seen where the girl makes the first move (is aggressive, and the guy is fairly shy, but is what a girl REALLY wants), the relationship has flourished for years.