Cursed

I wake up and think I’m simply cursed to being only good as a mediocre person. You see, since I moved to the US permanently, I took a liking to music, and I’m constantly striving to find new forms of it. Back when I was younger, around 12-14, I wanted to do one thing and one thing only, and that was play the drums. Now, my parents didn’t like that idea, so I didn’t get drums then. I asked for a guitar instead, but was denied that, but later on given my Aunt’s crappy old guitar, which was so far beat up, along with the amp, that I never learned it properly, whereas my sister received piano lessons, but gave up soon afterwards. I eventually got drums and guitars, but I have problems with both.

With guitars, I have a severe probably with my hands, my fingers are stubby. So playing normal chords are a chore, and I would pretty much have to resort to power chords, which less face it, don’t really work anymore since punk is long gone. And the other issue I have is addressed with drums.

With drums I can only play for 10-20 min before my tendonitis in my right elbow kicks in and I am in extreme pain. Now, I used to fight through it when I owned a set of drums, so I developed a strange playing style because of it. Now, I miss my drums more than anything that’s no longer in my life, but I struggle back and forth whether to buy another set to fill the void, but I have a feeling once again, my tendonitis will stop me.

It’s not just drumming, guitars or playing games that cause this to flair up. Lifting heavy objects close to my body and carrying them, cooking/chopping, and really any repetitive motion that causes the muscles and tendons to flex. I even went as far to go to physical therapy to see if I could get this resolved, but in ended up making my elbow hurt worse when it was relaxed, so I stopped going.

The only current treatment for this are things I’ve already tried: Rest/protect, Ice the area, Anti-Inflammatory drugs (don’t work), Cortisone (actually haven’t done this yet), PT (hurts more), breaks (Would work, but I’d like a solid hour of play time), protect tendons.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m giving up on any hopes and dreams to actually play any instrument longer than 20 min before it kicks in again. That’s why I’m cursed. I can never learn something I love and make music organically, meaning, no computers creating the sounds.

*sigh*