Ways & Means

I’ve been waiting here my whole damn life,
And I’ve forgotten what I wanted

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

I get to thinking on days or nights where I have nothing planned for myself and I always come back to the question, “What am I doing?” and “What do I want out of all of this?” Like the song says, I have been waiting my whole damn life, but I’ve forgotten what I really wanted.

What am I doing? This is a general question that can encompass all facets of my life. I have accomplished a lot for my age, more so than probably 92% of my graduation class. Does this make me any better than the rest that didn’t accomplish much? No, it does not. So where will this all lead me? It feels like I’m stuck within a perpetual motion machine, that doesn’t allow me to advance myself. I’m constantly stuck on the couch watching Friends and Family Guy reruns without actually doing anything with whatever talent people assume I have.

What do I want out of all of this? That’s a good question, and I’ve been searching for this answer for some time. Everyone wants to be successful, or happy, and probably both. But, when it comes down to it all, we’re never really any of those, or not to the full extent we wish we were. What sets off these feelings? I do want to be somewhat successful and happy. I want a good balance, but I seem to lose sight of all this when I get caught up in the moment. It’s at this point I get lazy and don’t really push through anymore until I hit another valley in my life.