It’s a nice day for a, white wedding

I guess I had always thought I wanted marriage and was happy to finally reach that point. It sounds so girly for a guy to want to get married, but I was sick of all the crap associated with dating and I was ready to just be. After this summer I’m not so sure with what I want any longer. I guess it was kind of dumb to bank everything on getting married, but it’s what I wanted. I might have wanted it too bad and just jumped at the opportunity and it killed me when I wasn’t going to go forward with it.

You kind of feel like a failure and have let people down. I know that’s not how others feel, but that’s just how I feel at the moment. Everyone around me is either getting married or getting engaged or is already married and it’s quite hard on you when you see all this now. Especially when you’re at a point in your life where you don’t know where things will take you, but I guess that’s what life is all about.

I might as well make this blog about How I Met Your Mother and how it relates to my life. I just happen to relate so well to Ted Mosby, that it’s hard not to mention the show. He wanted everything at all once, and he was 27/28, but he was far too close to the puzzle to see whole picture. That’s how I’m feeling right now, I want to know the end, without living in the now. It’s because I don’t want to deal with the heartbreaks and the constant uncertainty of the dating world. Like Ted, I’m terrible at being single, but I can never find anyone. It’s either I try too hard, or wait too long. I haven’t figured out the perfect balance and I’m 26. Maybe I haven’t fully lived yet, and maybe I shouldn’t care about all this right now, but damn it, I hate the dating game, I hate the uncertainty and I hate the bullshit that comes along with everything.