this is my last chance
last chance for salvation
the end is coming
and i’m afraid
i have nothing to hold onto
as the blinding light covers the horizon
i fall to the ground
wishing my prayers were answered
but now after seeing the end
i know they were pipe dreams
i always wanted to believe
but i was tricked into it all

it’s obvious it’s not me you want
painful memories still do haunt
as i stare into your eyes
all i feel are cries
cries for someone not here
you cry out, but they do not hear
the soft tapping of my keyboard
talking to you while you are bored
the things you can, you can’t have
at me you do stare
but i know you do not care
no one has, no one will
but i live on still
waiting for that day
the day i can say
someone cares
but no one dared
i would’ve given you all you ever wanted
but you constantly taunted
snickered at every glance
passed up that last chance
don’t try that old flaunt
you missed out on your chance on everything you could want

this feels closer than a friendship
but its only that, a friendship
it always feels this way
but i was so lost to what it was
never had i wanted to push it
until that uneventful day
by then it was too late
if we were to become close again
there would be no change to take farther
so forever i am stuck as a friend
it’s not quite so bad
but i’m the one hearing stories
instead of being the story

do you know how i feel?
are you playing with me
trying to get me to admit it
while you sit back and enjoy
i hate being the one to say it
so i hide it and it kills me
but i’d rather have you in my life
even if that means i suffer
while you see other guys
i know i’m just a friend
and i’ll play the friend card
til the day i die

there you lay next to me
i cannot read your eyes
or your actions
where are you leading me
just staring at me while i talk
i cannot glance back
thinking selfish thoughts
while you don’t at all
i don’t know if thats true
but i will guess it is
oh how close we have gotten again
in such a short time
like nothing was splintered
a small innocent touch
how do i interpret that?
now we’re laying next to each other
maybe both wish for something special
more than likely it’s just me dreaming
oh how i dream to fall asleep next to you
and awake to your glowing, beautiful face
but i dream too often
i have nothing you want more
than a good friendship

they don’t have good stories
not like tattoos or piercings
they weren’t from battle
or from working in the yard
these are from stupidity
these scars only entertain myself
they aren’t meant to impress you
they reflect who i am
where i’ve been
and the mistakes i made
do not stare and question
for i reveal nothing
should you find out one day
i told you, they were boring

a barren wasteland of emotion
is how i want to be
emotion kills me from within
i possess far too much for one man
why have i been cursed to this fate
never has this emotion got me anything
it hurts more than it helps
with all these emotions
i still have a tough time
expressing myself
i am forever doomed to be trapped
within a shell which can’t be broken

once again i retire to my room
it’s always cold in my chamber
the only thing warming me is myself
this drafty room pleases no one
i lay and stare at my ceiling
trying to think of nothing
its the only way i can sleep
i’ve almost given up on it all
closer than one might imagine
just a few pieces of thread
holding me onto this fabric
slipping ever slowly away
piece by piece it’s clipped away
this is how i view my connection
with the rest of the world
slowly isolating my feelings
and myself in the process
its the only way i know how to deal
with this big confusing world
nothing will come along to change this
no matter how hard i pray
this is all i know how to do
and will keep on til the end

i wish i never knew your touch
that taste from your lips was more
than i could ever bare
now there are memories in my head
never wanting to leave
always wanting to repeat that scene
i can’t flush you out
no matter how much alcohol is used
you’re still there lingering
i wish you’d just leave
restless nights thinking of you
pounding my head into the table
thinking of why you left
why everyone does
but i am blind to the truth
i refuse to hear it
they always leave
when they see me

in my dreams
i was afraid to lose you
because i already lost you once
in my dreams
i tried to kiss you
but you pulled away from me
just like how it would happen
in my dreams
i wished you were there for me
if you broke a plan
you’d make it up to me
when i awoke
nothing that i dreamed
will come true
once again
i fall back to sleep